‘Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.’ – Charles M. Schulz
‘There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it’s only a hundred billion. It’s less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.’ – Richard Feynman
‘If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticize it.’ – Pierre Gallois
‘If at first you don’t succeed – Don’t take up skydiving!’ – Anonymous
‘What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!’ – Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
‘Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.’ – George Carlin
‘Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.’ – Jane Wagner
‘People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.’ – Unknown
‘Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.’ – Scott Adams
‘Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.’ – Bertrand Russell
‘I like life. It’s something to do.’ – Ronnie Shakes
‘The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.’ – Samuel Butler
‘The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.’ – Ronald Reagan
‘You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.’ – Al Capone
‘Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.’ – Karl Marx
‘Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.’ – Jane Wagner
‘There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.’ – Benjamin Disraeli
‘They certainly give very strange names to diseases.’ – Plato
‘Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one.’ – Oliver Wendell Holmes
‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.’ – Miss Piggy
‘The shortest distance between two points is under construction.’ –Noelie Altito
“When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.'” – Theodore Roosevelt
‘And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.’ – Earl Mac Rauch
‘I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.’ – Emo Phillips
‘When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.’ – Mark Twain
‘I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.’ – Michael J. Fox
‘Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.’ – John Lithgow
‘Any woman who thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.’ – Adrienne E. Gusoff
‘I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS. (or the ATO in Australia’s case)’ –Robert Bakker
‘If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.’ –George Bernard Shaw
‘Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons.’ –unknown
‘The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.’ –Benjamin Disraeli
‘I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.’ –E. B. White
‘It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.’ – George Burns
‘The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.’ – Alfred Hitchcock
“Thomas Jefferson once said, ‘We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.’ And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.” – Ronald Reagan
“Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.” – Dave Barry
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Noel Coward
“I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.” – Richard Diran
“For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.” –Bob Wells
